Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Blah Whats wrong with me???

Sometimes I get irritated at myself for being myself.
I went to the local Home school Support group's mothers tea last night. I knew a very tiny handful of people there, but they all knew other people.

I am not lying when I say it was physically painful to stay. I wanted to cry and run away. I stayed, for information sake. But there were many times when I was the only one at my table. Everyone was mingling and talking, I felt like a 12 year old girl in the middle of very sophisticated women. Now don't get me wrong, no one there made me feel this way. Everyone was beyond kind. I just feel like....I don't know. I was just so uncomfortable.

I only went because Aaron made me go, the only reason we go to small group even is because Aaron wants to go( and again this is ALL on me.....its my own issue) Nothing has happened to make me not enjoy going, I just don't feel like I fit in. It's quite painful for me.

Aaron tells me last night when I come home in tears, because I was so miserable, that I have to assert myself. He says "you are starting a business, you have to get over this" But when I have a camera in my hands I am confident, I'm calm cool and collected. I don't feel so self conscious. ugh. Why?


Jaime said...

Just carry your camera with you everywhere! :-)

Okay, that didn't really help...

I'm sorry it was such a difficult experience for you. My mom gave me some good advice when I was fighting overcoming my natural shyness "Fake it til you make it" No one will know you're uncomfortable unless you let it show. So, pretend you're not uncomfortable and eventually, you really will be comfortable in those situations. And, pray for God's help. He doesn't want you miserable, either. Maybe try to find someone else sitting alone and make it your goal to make sure they don't feel the way you do.

Just a little advice from someone who completely understands.

And, I'm glad Aaron makes you go to small group! I hope you enjoy it once you get there. :-)

Melzie said...

Your blog didnt freeze up on me today :) Mandy I am so sorry you felt that way but I am the exact same way alot of the time. I agree with Jaime just ACT confident and you'll eventually really feel that way. Pray for God to send you a special close HS'ing friend :) xoxo melzie

MoonNStarMommy said...

I am the EXACT same way {{HUGS}} When I was homeschooling and went to the local group thing, I felt so out of place it wasn't even close to funny. I could have cried too :(